Keeping to the narrow path set before you as a single person in a Biblical housechurch takes faith, hope and commitment that can be, at times, difficult to endure.

The world tempts us with an abundance of ‘quick fixes’, but however attractive they may appear they will never be God's best for His children.

This article, written in a diary format, chronicles the events which led to the marriage of Philippa and I, in June, 2006. It is our hope and prayer that it will be an encouragement to you and that you will have the faith to trust in God alone for your future spouse.

Andy and Philippa.

Andy’s Story

I moved the old wooden chair into position in front of the bedroom window. There I seated myself, ready for my morning prayer. Life as a new Christian was fresh and exciting. Everything was new – so different from the life I had led only a short time ago.

'Lord I thank you for today and all the good things you have given me.'

I gazed out of the window upon the glorious splendour of God’s earth – everything seemed somehow more alive, more vibrant – the sparrows were singing their hearts out and flitting from tree to tree. They had no cares, no worries, just like the Bible said!

'I thank you for your marvellous creation and for the new life you have given me in you.
I pray for my brothers and sisters – that you would bless and protect them today...

‘...And Lord, I pray that you would soon bring me a wife...one who loves you, loves your word, and is beautiful in my sight.'

This was my daily prayer. It wouldn't be long, I thought...

13 years later

I turned the corner into King’s Road and flicked off the relentless gloom and despair of ‘Radio 4’ news. Morning prayer was now squeezed into the daily journey to work. Just like the newscast, there was a gloom and despair in my own voice; a dull weariness– life had become monotonous, grey, lonely, and achingly lonely.

‘Lord, you know I cannot go on much longer. I REALLY, REALLY mean it this time. I have prayed for a Godly wife for all these years. I see my heart growing cold before me– there is a hardness developing inside. Your Word says ‘It is not good for man to be alone.’ You say, ‘He who desires a wife, desires a good thing.’ You know full well the desires of my heart. I know I have not been called to a life of celibacy – I know I have said this to you before, but now I really mean it – I cannot continue another year without a wife. Please, please make it happen whilst I am still in my fortieth year.’

My prayer was heartfelt, but my faith was weak. ‘In my fortieth year?’ There was only 5 months to go. I had made my own deadlines with the Lord before; He never kept to them because that was His prerogative; He was the one in control. How would I meet anyone, let alone marry her in such a short time? Internet dating was out of the question. The thought of another Christian holiday seemed less and less appealing. It seemed that every avenue I pursued always came to a dead end. 5 months would probably turn into 5 years, experience told me in a faithless whisper.

March 25th 2006
The last weekend in March I decided to visit a Christian family in Derby who had become good and trusted friends in the 4 years I had known them. In my low, world-weary state over the past year or so I had not made any particular effort to make contact, but felt it was now the right time to pay a visit and enjoy the warmth and love of their company.

Having nine children ranging from the age of four to twenty one, the weekends were always filled with joy and laughter, not to mention a few bruises from the ‘rough and tumble’ horseplay which inevitably ensued.

Their eldest daughter had been through a tough time recently, with a failed engagement, and I felt I would be able to offer some advice and encouragement, having been through the same experience 5 years earlier.

What a breath of fresh air! As expected, the time was full of much joy and laughter. The change of scene really lifted my spirits and a talk on Saturday evening over hot chocolate with Philippa and her parents brought a new level of openness and depth to our relationships. There were so many parallels in the way our past engagements had failed; it was an edifying time for all of us. I left Derby feeling uplifted and ready to face the challenges of the coming week with renewed vigour!

March 28th
During the next week, a thought started to cross my mind that had come to me on a few odd occasions over the last 4 years. It was Philippa. I had always tried to dismiss the idea from my mind for two reasons:

I was much older than her
She had never shown the slightest hint of interest or affection towards me

However, the thought kept coming back, so very tentatively I began to pray about the possibility of marriage.

During that week, The Lord brought something else to mind that had happened whilst watching Rehum and Samuel, two of Philippa’s younger brothers, avidly playing football on the Playstation. They were struggling to outwit each other and score a single goal during the 20-minute game. Whilst they played, I sensed the Lord was telling me that this was a picture of my own Christian walk, particularly in regards to finding a wife.

‘Never give up. Keep running towards the goal. I will tackle every opponent that threatens your path to it. Keep on running. Never give up.’

I felt a sense of mild excitement and encouragement. It even prompted me to prepare a Bible study for my home fellowship the following week. It started with a question to the hearers:

‘What are the 3 main goals in your life?’

I wanted to contrast our worldly aspirations with the apostle Paul’s in Philippians:

Philippians 3 v 7-11

But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.

Each person was asked to write down their 3 goals and then talk about their motivations. Mine were as follows:

To be married.
To have children.
To diligently follow the Lord.

March 30th
Beverley, Philippa’s mother, sent a short letter saying how much they had enjoyed my visit and inviting me to join them over the Easter break.

April 8th
It was late on Saturday night and I was just checking through my emails before retiring to bed, when I noticed one from my friend, Belinda, who was currently in the US with her husband, Beresford, and daughter, Bethany. It read as follows:

Subject: belinda here.
Date: Sat, 08 Apr 2006 20:57:12 +0000

Hey Andy,

You may think I have gone completely crazy when you read this email, but I'm not sure I have :-))

I have been chatting with Mary, and she was asking after you.... including wanting to know if you had met any young ladies yet.
I of course said no, not yet. We kept chatting, and then someone entered our conversation....

Mary felt very excited, and it kinda spread! I have thought this before on and off as well, but dismissed it. I think I may have even mentioned it in passing as you do :-)

BUT

What about ....

Yes I'll say it.....

Philippa???

You, if I remember, dismissed it because of age? But, what has that got to do with it.... her folks are years apart, as are me and BJ, and Rob and Jan, and many other folk we have met.

She would be a WONDERFUL wife, Mother, friend, companion....true and loyal. Homechurch, homeschool.... attractive, balanced...as much as a woman can be :-))

Her folks are looking for a Godly husband for her, and could not find a better specimen. They ALL LOVE you up there :--0))) At least be open to this madness I've said out loud now.

Mary is sooooo keen for me to write and put it fwd to you.... Is it coincidence we know the Scottons....maybe not? I don't think so...

At least be open to the possibility..... remember BJ's motto, if you marry a younger woman, they will last longer! She is praying for a husband, READY to be wed and settle down to a family..... Could you be the one?

I personally do NOT think, that she would consider the age gap a hindrance, but an ASSET!

I'm probably crazy, but I feel a sense of excitement here...:-))
Maybe, you could go up and visit again soooooon..

Let me know your thoughts if you would :-) Philippa is a LOVELY girl.

Lots of love
Belinda
xxxx

MATCHMAKERSINHOTLANTA.COM

My heart started to race as I read the mail. Was this a prompting from the Lord? I had been praying that He would block anything that was not of Him. The last thing I wanted to do was to cause upset between myself and the family in Derby, or make a fool of myself!

I speedily typed out a reply:

Hi Belinda,

I don't believe it is a coincidence that you should write this mail, and no, you are not crazy...well maybe just a little bit, but you are in good company :-)...!

I, too, have been thinking and praying about the possibility of marrying Philippa recently, but have tried to keep it at the back of my mind.

I agree with all the attributes you mention - She would make any believer an ideal wife.

The age thing is not a problem to me, but may well be to her.

I am paranoid of repeating past mistakes, by making advances in this direction prematurely or inappropriately. I do not wish, in any way, to jeopardize my relationship with the Scotton family.

If I could know from a third party that she would consider the possibility, then I would feel comfortable about moving forward, but I need to know 'rock solid' from The Lord that this is His will. I suppose that is why we used to have 'matchmakers' and arranged marriages in the old days. They could 'sniff' these things out!

BTW- they have invited me up there over Easter. If I can, I will go for a couple of days and come back for Sunday fellowship.

Hope this confirms your thoughts and gives you something to ponder on.

I hope, also, you are losing those feelings of homesickness.

Send my warmest regards to Mary and Chris.

Love and God bless,

A. xx

Now the prospect of spending Easter with the Scotton family took on a whole new dimension.

April 13th
Beverley telephoned to advise me that most of the family were very ill with a nasty virus, and that they had already cancelled a proposed visit from some other family friends over Easter. She said she would call on Saturday to let me know whether it was safe to still visit. It was all in the Lord’s hands, and I was content with that.

April 15th
Most of the family were now on the road to recovery, so I was given the ‘all clear’ to make my way up to the family home in Derby, Praise the Lord!

I arrived at 11am and the morning was spent helping Derek with some home maintenance jobs. I could not help noticing how attentive Philippa was whilst I carried out the various tasks. Maybe it was just my hopeful imaginings, but there seemed to be a definite change in the atmosphere.

On Sunday, Beverley, Philippa, Esther, Uzzi and I, paid a visit to Caulke Abbey – a local stately home. It was such a pleasant spring day – we chatted all afternoon about homeschooling, parenting, and church – the conversation flowed easily and there was a heart-warming unity on all our points of view.

On the Monday morning we went to the family’s allotment to pick vegetables for lunch. Helping to weed the soil with Philippa and Esther had now become a much more attractive proposition for some unearthly reason! After an hour or so, Beverley suggested Philippa, Esther and I go for a drink at the park café whilst she returned home to prepare lunch. We had a pleasant chat over hot chocolate, although, unlike Sunday, the atmosphere felt slightly awkward without Beverley’s presence. We finished our drinks and took Esther over to the swings. As the three of us swung back and forth Philippa came out with a question that took me by surprise,

“Andy, do you think it is right to throw out a fleece like Gideon did?”

My mind started conjecturing wildly. She had never asked me my opinion on a Bible topic before, let alone on a subject so that appeared to be so pointed.

I tried to appear calm, collected, authoritative.

“Well…I think it depends on the circumstances and the motivations of the heart. In certain situations I have asked God to give me an indication of His will through something physical. The important thing is that we are not testing God through our own lack of faith.”

We skirted round the topic for a while and then moved on. I so wanted her to be more specific, but knew she would not be forthcoming.

Was this another sign from the Lord? Or were my powers of optimism just running away with me?

“Thanks, Andy. That is helpful” She replied.

We went over to the childrens’ see-saw with Esther. I sat on one end, Esther and Philippa on the other. We tried to bounce each other as high as we could, which caused us all great amusement.

Like my conversion some 13 years earlier, something clicked in my mind. ‘I saw the light’. There was suddenly an indescribable connection with Philippa – something very deep and spiritual. It was such a great feeling. Something had changed in my heart and I felt it in her, too. Neither of us said anything.

We returned home for lunch and enjoyed a pleasant afternoon, punctuated by games, music and a time of worship to the Lord. My intention to leave at 1pm changed to 3pm, to 4pm, to 6pm! I felt such a draw to the family; I simply did not want to leave that afternoon.

Leaving the house, I felt an immense sense of loss. It was quite extraordinary. Tears started to roll down my cheeks as I drove towards the motorway. I hardly ever cried - even once a year was a rare occurrence! The emotion was incredibly intense. I started to mull over the events of the weekend. All the little signs seemed to be pointing in one direction. Again, I tried to dismiss them, even though in my heart I really did not want to.

The next morning I was to leave for a work assignment in Switzerland at 5am. As I tossed and turned in my bed trying to get to sleep, I felt the Lord clearly speak to me,

‘Philippa is going to be your wife.’

The words felt almost audible.

“Lord. Is this just my hopeful imagination again? Please take these thoughts from me if they are not of you. The disappointment would be too much to bear.’

‘Philippa is going to be your wife!’

I started to see the wonder and joy of what that promise would mean if it were to be fulfilled.
Peace, joy, laughter, contentment, companionship, a family. All the things I had longed for these past 13 years. Tears welled up in my eyes again. It felt good this time. A tremendous release of emotion after all this time.

‘Lord, I am undone, I am truly undone by this vision.’ I exclaimed with all my heart. ‘The very thought of marriage to Philippa is too wonderful for me to contemplate. Can this really be your will for me?’

‘Philippa is going to be your wife!’ It came clearly again. The clock said 4.50am. I had not slept all night.

The 5 days in Switzerland were no different. Every night the Lord kept reinforcing his message, I got virtually no sleep. I felt as though God had left open the door of a room I was passing, out of which was shining a brilliant, dazzling light. I did not know yet whether I had permission to open it.

When I returned home, amongst the unopened post on the doormat was a large brown envelope, obviously from the Scotton family, judging by the children’s drawings decorating the outside. I opened it and read the enclosed letter from Beverley. The beginning of the letter was very general apart from one short paragraph. It simply leapt off the page!

‘Belinda has been emailing Philippa recently. God’s ways are perfect. He does not tease.’

The sentence was completely out of context. Not only that, but there were clear signs that the line had been erased and rewritten several times.

I scratched my head. Did she really mean what I thought she meant? What had she written before that had to be erased? My mind was working overtime.

With the sleepless week in Switzerland, and now the letter from Beverley, I was beginning to feel that there was absolutely no doubt about the Lords intentions.

I read on.

She said that they would be dropping a friend off in Kent on Sunday evening or Monday and were hoping to stay by and a drop off a calender to me. A calender? Surely it would have been much easier to pop it in the post?

My prayers continued in earnest that night. I prayed that The Lord would not only prompt the Scottons to drop by on Sunday, but that Derek, Philippa’s father, would be with them.

Sunday morning arrived.
No word from them.
I decided to fast and pray.

The fellowship meeting was at my house that day so at least I would be at home if they called in unexpectedly.

2pm – still no word.

3pm – the meeting started. I had not given up hope. In fact, my confidence that they would come was increasing.

4pm – Still no phone call. I checked my mobile for messages. 1 new message.

Hey, Andy - we have left to take Alf back to Swanley.
Will give you a ring when we head in your direction.
Px

Lord – I knew you were going to do it. This is too bizarre not to be of you.

I hurriedly replied. I needed to make sure Derek was coming too. He knew he was the one I had to speak to. I knew that I could speak to him in confidence and not upset my relationship with Philippa and the family if my thoughts on the whole matter were wrong.

Great-look forward to seeing you later.

Is everybody coming?(Translated - Is your Dad coming?)

Nope. Car only takes 5!
See you later.

Px

Aaargh! I still did not know, but was pretty sure that Derek would be doing the driving.

8pm

Joel and Jennifer were the last two left following the meeting. For some inexplicable reason I did not want to mention that the Scotton’s were visiting that evening.

Maybe it was because the reason seemed so lame (to drop off a calender) and that may make them suspicious.
Maybe it was because if I told them they would stay on to meet them and it would spoil my chances of speaking to Derek.
How terribly selfish I was being. I started trying to vacumn the lounge as inconspicuously as possible. They started to feel awkward and asked if they should leave. I felt bad, told them about the impending visitation, insisted they stay to say hello and that was that.

We waited.

8.15pm

The doorbell rang.

In walked Beverley, Esther, Philippa and Derek.
I was struck by how smartly dressed they all were. I couldn’t help noticing that Philippa was even wearing make-up! Was this another sign?
Greetings and hugs were duly exchanged and we sat down to chat.

As I went to prepare hot drinks, Philippa followed me into the kitchen and, without prompting, started to do the washing- up. This felt rather nice, I thought to myself, trying not to read too much into the unfolding events.

“This kitchen is looking a little worse for wear.” Philippa exclaimed, having glanced over at the rough plaster wall complete with bare wires, hanging out of the brickwork.

“Are you in the process of renovating it?”

“Urr…no…not just at the moment. I am going to wait a little while.” I responded uneasily.

If only I could tell her the REAL reason. If anybody else ever asked me the same question, my response was always, “I will wait for my wife to choose it.” If only she knew…

As we sipped our hot drinks in the lounge my mind was elsewhere, trying to work out how I would find the opportunity to talk to Derek alone.

The chat continued for another hour, my mind a whirr beneath the calm exterior.

“We ought to be going soon. It is quarter to ten.” Said Derek.
This prompted Joel and Jen to say their goodbyes, and my heart to start racing faster and faster!

As Derek went upstairs to use the bathroom, here was my opportunity.
Unbeknown to him I followed him up the stairs like a shadow, and waited, ready to pounce, in one of the bedrooms.

The bathroom door opened.

“Derek. Can I have a private word with you, please.” I said.

I ushered him into my bedroom and asked him to take a seat on the bed. He seemed a little bemused, even a little nervous.

“I hope this doesn’t seem strange, Derek, but I wanted to talk to you in private. May I ask you a question?”

“Yes.” He replied, calmly.

“Can I ask you…has the Lord been speaking to you and Beverley specifically about me, and my relationship to you, in the last week?”

The words came out with an unexpected boldness and confidence. It even took me by surprise!

“Well…he has certainly been speaking to Beverley.” He replied with the hint of a smile.

“I believe that He has told you that I am going to be your son-in-law.”

There – the words were out. I had been practising that sentence in my head for days and now it had been said. A wonderful sense of relief and joy came over me. I studied Derek’s expression to try and gauge his likely response.

“Yes. That is what He has been saying to Beverley. I don’t have a problem with the whole thing, in principal. Obviously there is the age difference, but I don’t really see that as a concern. If Philippa had been sixteen, it would have been different, but she is a grown woman now.
Obviously, it is up to Philippa. I don’t know what her reaction will be, but as far as I am concerned, I would be very happy to have you as my son-in-law.”

“My main concern, Derek, and the reason I wanted to speak to you firstly in private, is that I don’t want to upset my relationship with you all. I value my friendship with you and the family too much to jeopardise it by making a move that is inappropriate.” I responded.

“I fully understand, but I am sure it won’t affect our relationship in any way.
Now, would you like to ask Philippa yourself or would you prefer me to do it?” He said.

“YOU, please.” I responded immediately. Suddenly, I was not feeling quite so bold!

Derek smiled. We gave each other a warm, friendly hug and trotted off to the folks downstairs who were blissfully unaware of the conversation that had just taken place between the two of us.

I could not help smiling as we said our goodbyes. In a very short time Derek’s eldest daughter would get the shock of her life!

As soon as the door shut, I raced to the phone and called Belinda in America.
I had to talk to someone about the experience.
We chatted excitedly for about ten minutes and then said our goodbyes.

No sooner had I replaced the receiver, the phone rang again. It was Derek on the other end of the line.

In a very ‘matter-of-fact’ tone he said “Andy, just to let you know that Philippa’s answer is positive.”

“Thanks, Derek. That’s great news. Would you tell Philippa I will give her a call tomorrow?”

My head was spinning. I couldn’t quite take in the enormity of that simple statement.
“The answer is positive.” I kept reciting in my head.

Quickly, I keyed in a text message to her:

Philippa,
Our God is an awesome God, who's ways are beyond our understanding.
He weaves the most intricate patterns in our lives, too wonderful for us to imagine.
Have a safe journey home,
Love Andy.xx

A reply came within 2 minutes:

His care is breathtaking - His love truly awe-some.
The fleece prayer was answered a little quicker than expected.
My turn to drive. Sleep well.

Love, Philippa. Xxx

Philippa had lain two ‘fleece prayers’ before the Lord. Firstly, that she would have no indication at all of my intention to marry her, and secondly, that I would ask her fathers permission beforehand.

We exchanged our first kiss on our Wedding day seven weeks later.

Philippa’s Story

What!! My jaw dropped after hearing what Dad just asked me. What did I think to marrying Andy? Wow, Lord, You’ve more than answered my heartfelt prayer last week. Unusually for me, I was totally speechless. Tears began to fill my eyes as Dad expanded on why he asked. Thank you Lord – You are awe-some! My mind started to take in the enormity of the evening and what it meant for the future.

GROWING UP
My parents had the blessing of a fast ‘courtship’ – they were married within 5 months. Their engagement was only as long as the preparations for the wedding took; from as young as I can remember Mum used to tell me that they couldn’t have got married any quicker. Their weekly ‘date nights’ – which became even more frequent as their nine children grow responsible and old enough to do without babysitters – more than made up for the shortness/lack of their courtship. In the past, I’ve had many worldly ideas about romance only being exciting when you were ‘going out’, ‘courting’ or engaged; Dad and Mum showed me by example that romance isn’t so much to do with the pre-marriage period but is rather free to be expressed and fully enjoyed in marriage.

Although Christians by the time they met, both Dad and Mum came from non-Christian families. I remember Mum shared with me that she used to pray that her Heavenly Father would arrange a marriage for her. As it turned out, it couldn’t have been more arranged; God told Dad that he was to marry her before he had ever spoken to her and Mum was also convinced before they properly ‘went out’. I turned my nose up at the idea; that was fine for her but me, no thanks, I could work it out myself.
By the time I was eighteen I saw the wisdom in waiting for God to orchestrate my marriage. I had decided that dating was definitely out of the question for me and drew up a list of the things I had been praying for in my future husband. It was fairly extensive but the first point was the most essential. From the list it looked as though I wanted the perfect husband but wouldn’t this perfect husband prefer a perfect wife? I had a lot of work to do and so added some pointers for me to buckle down on.

January 2003

Husband Prayer list
[and what I would look for in my future husband]

Greatest desire to obey and please God in every area of his life

Growing in the Lord

Doctrinally – be equally yoked
                  Home Church
                  Would home-educate his children
                  Have a Biblical understanding of roles and responsibilities
Firm grounding in the Word of God

Gets on well with Dad and my brothers

Gentlemanly and caring in the way he treats those around him

Someone I respect and vice versa

A Friend – have fun together, enjoying talking together

Musical

Similar interests
Walking
God’s creation

What about me?!?
[it’s all very well having a wish list for the perfect husband but what
about the other half of the apple?]

I need to cultivate my desire to obey and please God in every area of my life

I need to actively grow in the Lord – not be content with sitting still

Doctrinally – I need to know and study what I believe and what the Bible says

Feminine in behaviour – not loud and boisterous

Let your eyes look directly ahead
And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you.
Watch the path of your feet
And all your ways will be established
Do not turn to the right nor to the left;
Turn your foot from evil.
Proverbs 4 v 25 - 27

Mum and I had a private joke that was also seriously meant – my future husband would need to be much older than me to be able to balance and lead me; I have a strong and determined character and can at times be very stubborn. I also was praying that God would keep me from and for my future husband – from knowing who he was, and kept physically/emotionally for him.
Unfortunately, about this time I started to let my walk with God slip. And it stayed that way until I reached twenty. God works all things together for good for those who are called for His purpose – even when we mess up. His love is steadfast, His forgiveness is always fresh; I managed to give Him plenty of opportunity to show me how true and forgiving He is.

God uses many things to mould us to His design and purpose. By March 2006 I felt like I’d been thoroughly broken. An engagement to a young guy I’d met the previous summer had not long been broken off by him. God’s leading had been silent during the previous six months; in reality, I didn’t stop to truly ask Him – the particular path just ‘seemed’ the right one so I walked it and wondered why I was met by so many difficulties.

By the end of it, I’d discovered that Christian ‘courtship’ isn’t a whole lot different from dating and came to believe that it was even sometimes more hurtful. Whilst dating is in no way ideal and one person will always be more attached then the other, at least neither are pretending that they are necessarily aiming for engagement/marriage. Courtship, on the other hand, gives the impression that you are both heading for marriage whereas in effect you can still be checking each other in a similar way to dating. Everything is just more acceptable as you are ‘sincere’ in destination and not recreationally dating.

I couldn’t take it anymore. How was God to give me a husband if I wasn’t dating and now didn’t want to court. The idea of having to get to know more guys, always wondering about their real motive, was too stressful to think about. Yes, I knew I wasn’t trusting God; yes, I knew that His grace, care and love was so evident in my life already, He’d saved me – why was trusting Him over the hows, whens and wheres of my future mate so difficult? I couldn’t think of any guy who I’d even want to marry, I’d therefore have to go through the process of getting to know a stranger, and courting, and risking everything to happen all over again.
I wasn’t trusting God. At the same time, I couldn’t see why God would leave the area of getting married to be so covered with pitfalls. We live in a fallen world and hence our own sin can mist the path to marriage; however, I finally came to the point of trusting that God would direct my own path – I just had to keep my eyes on Him.

God created marriage, He delights in it. It is not His idea for a difficult path to life-long commitment. I simply had to trust Him and Him alone. Lord, please, please may the route You lead me be natural and to the right person this time.

Around about this time, a family friend came up to stay. Andy had been on a family holiday with us and had joined Dad, my brother Joshua and me on the most recent family life teaching trip to Kenya. He hadn’t been to stay for over a year and we were all very pleased to see him.

Coincidentally, I’d been thinking of Andy more than usual. He’d been through a broken engagement a few years ago and, with the circumstances I’d recently been through, I was able to feel more empathetic towards him. He was single, part of a home church, would homeschool...come to think of it, he’d tick everything on my husband wish list! Forget it, Phil. You’re jumping the gun again. Remember, you wanted God to lead you – not your own good ideas! There was something in the way anyways – he was much older than me, a lot older. He’d never think of me, I’m far too young for him. Case closed. Or was it?

Why did I want him to know so much about what went wrong in the relationship I’d just been in? Why did I want him to know that the relationship hadn’t been physical in any way. Why? Why do I want him to know? I stifled the urge to be nervous when we went to the supermarket together. We’re friends, just family friends. Talk about cars, Kenya...good girl...see, you’re fine! I tried to ignore the thought that came to mind when I noticed his bare ring finger. Get a grip, girl, you’ve no place to want to be the one to put the ring on that finger!

Well, at least it would have to be God to bring us together. There was no way I was going to initiate anything. It would have to come from him. And, even if he didn’t think I was too young or him too old, I couldn’t imagine that he wouldn’t want to risk our family’s friendship with him if anything went sour. I couldn’t bear the thought of anything going wrong; we have lots of mutual friends...it would involve so many people and most of all it would hurt him. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

We all had a fun weekend and I successfully pushed him to the side of my mind. I had a life to live... allowing a notion about someone would not help. For all I know it could be a passing fancy – I’ve had them before.

A couple of weeks passed. I was driving with Mum to the supermarket. For some reason, I wasn’t surprised when she brought up the subject of Andy and marriage but what did cause my eyebrows to rise was when she shared the dream that she’d had a month previously. All I could do was listen in amazement.

Mum hadn’t mentioned it before as, at the time, I was already engaged. In the dream, my then-fiancée was walking up the drive coming to take me out – I knew he was coming and wanted to escape; Andy, who was staying with us at the time, and Josh passed him and got into Andy’s car. Josh directed Andy round to end of our back garden where I was willingly waiting for them. Andy and I then drove off, on our own, to get married in Essex. I was saved!

When Mum woke up she felt that the dream was wrong as I had already committed myself to someone else. The dream was repeated the next day. Little did she realise that it was that same night that the relationship with my ex-fiancée started to fall apart – although both Christians, we were fundamentally unequally yoked. At the time we’d been engaged a little over three weeks, a week later he broke it off. My whole family – including myself – were immensely relieved. Mum, meanwhile, had started praying regarding my marriage to Andy.

Back in the car, I reiterated to Mum that the woman Andy would marry would be extremely blessed. ‘He’s an amazing man and I respect him no end.’ I just couldn’t see that he’d think of me; neither was I sure whether I wanted to marry him myself; and most of all, I needed God to make it clear – I couldn’t base a notion of marriage on a dream. Yes, Mum could continue praying for it – who was I to say that she couldn’t. I appreciate Mum’s wisdom and she could be right on target with this. I wasn’t anti the idea after all...just not sure.

I started praying about Andy now. Rather than just wondering. He was to come to stay over Easter. Okay, how should I act?? I was growing increasingly at peace with the idea of marriage to him, so how should I be? Philippa, just be yourself. God had shown me recently that I had to be myself – not allowing social norms, expectations and ideals to form me but rather to find my identity in the Lord, in His Word and guidance. ‘Be yourself’ I felt Him say.

Normally, when around single guys I either was unsure of or secretly ‘liked’ I put on a shield that was known by Mum and me as the ‘ice princess’ front. I’d appear uninterested and felt this wall would help me melt into the background. With the Easter weekend approaching, I was aware that, I would likely out of habit hide behind the unnecessary ‘ice’ front in an effort to hide my growing interest in Andy. However, God had shown me that I needed to be myself, act as I would if Andy wasn’t there. God was my security – not what people thought.

A lot of the family was very sick in the couple of weeks before Easter. It was a test of faith to a certain extent because I was anxious that Andy should still be able to stay. I determined to trust God – if God was in this, He would orchestrate it in His own timing.

Good Friday came around and Mum confirmed that we were clear enough for Andy to come on the Saturday.

Upto this point, God had been answering my ‘From and For’ request. There was no doubt that I’d been kept ‘from’ Andy but also, although it may seem foreign to many, I was praying about marriage to a man that I had no emotional and physical feelings for beyond simple friendship. I was not emotionally involved. My particular prayer over the weekend was that, if God was in the of marrying Andy, I’d be able to see him in a new light...that I’d see him as more than a family friend. At the same time, I did not want to push God’s timing or plans. I did not want to potentially ruin a special family friendship. I had to be in neutral gear and just be myself. If God was in it, He would open the door at the right time. I had nothing to lose by trusting my Heavenly Father, and everything to gain.

When Andy arrived, I needed to finish off some accounts I’d brought from my part-time work. My instincts told me to disappear and do it in the privacy of the girl’s bedroom but ‘being myself’ meant that I should continue at the dining room table as I would if he were someone else. A little later, Dad busied himself fixing a post needed for repairs at my grandparent’s house. Often Samuel, my 15 year old brother, would help Dad out but he was tied up on the PS2. ‘Being myself’ meant that I’d normally go and give Dad a hand...having a guest to join us added to the fun. Again, my instincts were worrying; Andy might think that I ‘liked’ him – yet I had been told to ‘be myself’ so out I went to give Dad and Andy a helping hand. Once stuck into it and over the nerves of self-consciousness, I began to rather enjoy it – I was free to be me instead of letting the ice princess mentality tie me in knots.
As the weekend went on, I became more and more comfortable being around Andy. I saw further Godly traits that impressed me. I enjoyed long conversations that Dad, Mum and I had with him. God was answering the prayer of seeing Andy in a new light. While I did not yet have a green light to become emotionally involved – I believed that was only right once we were both committed to marriage – I was increasingly convinced that God was leading me towards marriage to Andy. Hmm, when would God start prompting Andy himself?

On the Monday Mum, Esther and I went up to show Andy the allotment. It needed a little weeding and I, joined by Andy and Esther while Mum chatted with another allotment user, started working on it. Mum saw the time and realised that she wouldn’t have time for the hot chocolate that we’d planned to have in the park café and make the dinner in time before Andy left at 1pm. “Why don’t you all go have the hot chocolate while I go home and make the dinner?” she said. That sounded good. Normally I’d have freaked at the thought of having a hot drink out with Andy and only my 11 year old sister for company but it seemed right, Mum had suggested it and I was now very comfortable with Andy (i.e. serious husband prospect) around.

We enjoyed our hot chocolates and moved on to play on the swings and see-saw. Relaxed on the swing, I plucked up courage to ask a question I roughly knew the answer to but was curious to know what Andy thought.

“Is it right to put out a fleece? ...A bit like Gideon?” It was out!

Andy wanted clarification of what I meant. I tried to sound him out without giving the reason away. I wanted to know whether it’d be wrong or right to ask God to settle the question of marriage to Andy once and for all. Of course, I could never let him know that so I tried to keep it general.

I mentioned that when Dad had a big decision to make (to marry Mum – but there was no way I’d say that), he’d asked for a sign that God was leading him to it. God gave him a clear sign and they lived happily ever after!!

We concluded something along the lines that it would not be right to try to manipulate God through the sign you asked for but that it’s not at all wrong to ask for confirmation of something. I came away from the conversation knowing pretty much what my fleece would be.

Playing on the see-saw, I felt so comfortable and peaceful being with Andy - it was like coming home. Not that I didn’t feel that way with my family but it was something that I wouldn’t have been able to describe if I’d been asked. I purposely didn’t think of what might happen in the future...I was concentrating on ‘being myself’ and enjoying the moment with Esther and Andy.

The length of Andy’s stay was amusingly prolonged hour by hour. Lunch was followed by PS2 games; eventually I got out my little ‘Baby’ Taylor and people joined in worshipping the Lord together.

Andy was off to the States in a week and a half and mentioned his action plan for trying to take a guitar. It made natural sense for him to borrow mine – it was, after all, a travel guitar, compact, and could be restrung for his left handed playing. I tried to ignore the fact that it was only because he was who he was that I was offering it...there was no way I’d lend my pride and joy to just anyone to be humped across the Atlantic and back! He backtracked a little and said maybe there would be one over there that he could use but thanks anyway. Hmm, I replied, of course he would need one...he’d be kicking himself if he didn’t have one. He wasn’t sure; I dropped it thinking that if it was in God’s plans it would happen, if not then no big deal! Mum reiterated what I’d said however and all of a sudden he changed his mind!

After he’d gone home, I remember telling Mum that I was now totally sure that I wanted to marry him but couldn’t see how it would happen. He’d properly think he was too old for me and so wouldn’t risk asking. If God had planned it, however, it would happen. I needed to stay in neutral gear and just leave it to God.

I didn’t tell my parents that I was putting out a fleece. I was pretty sure that I would marry Andy but just couldn’t see how it was humanly possible. My confirmation would be if Andy was to ask Dad first. And please, Lord, may I have no knowledge that he wants to marry me if he does.

That week I prayed constantly that if God’s plans were in marriage for Andy and I, then He would not let Andy shake any thoughts of it off. Lord, I believe You’ve put it on my heart but it needs to be on his as well! If Your plans are different then please may it not even cross his mind – the thought of hurting him if he brought it up but it didn’t happen was too awful to think about. And, Lord, please may I know by Christmas...the sooner it happens, the better. There was nothing else I could or would do. Trust on His timing, rely on His promises.

Mum had several texts from Andy to the family that week while he was in the Swiss Alps directing a photo shoot. I intended to text him to say thanks for some CDs he’d burnt but felt that I should wait until the following Saturday. When Saturday evening arrived and I’d written the message, I wondered if my text was too friendly. Be yourself. I took a deep breath and pressed ‘send’.

I was secretly very pleased when he responded a moment later with an equally lighthearted text. A further couple of texts and the conversation ended with a reference to the proposed call the next day. Mum and Dad had a calendar they would drop by. I had every intention of sharing the driving down to Kent and Essex the next day!

When we arrived in Epping, unusually, Andy was at his front door to greet us all – it almost seemed as though he’d been waiting for us. Once there, I had to keep reminding myself to be ‘me’. When Andy went out to make drinks, I forced myself to stay calm and do what I’d do if it was anybody else’s house; I went to give a hand in the kitchen, and tried to hold a natural conversation with him. When we were back in the living room I noticed that he looked pensive and wasn’t really entering the general conversation.

Esther and I used the bathroom – I noticed that he’d decorated it since the last time I’d been there. It looked amazing and I wondered if I would be able to tell him I liked it, after all that’s what I’d say to a friend.

While washing the cups at the sink, a thought struck me. I could get used to this; I wonder what it’d like if I did this everyday? Philippa!! You’ve no right to think like that! Then I realised that Mum and Esther were the only one downstairs. That meant that Dad and Andy were upstairs. Could that possibly mean... Philippa get a grip! I got rid of all thoughts like that and joined Mum and Esther in the living room.

Dad and Andy came downstairs together chatting away and we were ready to leave. Andy lent Dad the CD that had been playing in the background. I mentioned that I’d enjoyed the music. Andy immediately went and handed me a pile more by the same group – I registered that he was enthusiastic in doing so then forgot about it. After hugs all round we hit the road.

And that’s when Dad asked me.

What!! My jaw dropped. What did I think to marrying Andy? Wow, Lord, I gave it til Christmas – You’ve more than answered my heartfelt prayer last week. Unusually for me, I was totally speechless. Tears began to fill my eyes as Dad expanded on why he asked. Thank you Lord – You are awe-some!

Dad rang Andy. “The answer is positive.” I beamed from ear to ear through my moist eyes. God is awe-some.

We were swapping drivers when I received a text:

Philippa,
Our God is an awesome God, who's ways are beyond our understanding.
He weaves the most intricate patterns in our lives, too wonderful for us to imagine.
Have a safe journey home,
Love Andy.xx

Amen to that!

His care is breathtaking – His love truly awe-some.
The fleece prayer was answered a little quicker than expected.
My turn to drive. Sleep well.

Love, Philippa. Xxx

I didn’t see Andy for a couple of weeks as he was on vacation in Seattle. The weekend he got back he officially asked me to marry him. The wedding plans took 15 minutes. It was amazing in the way which we both had the same ideas for service, guests, honeymoon, and all the other details. We were married five weeks later. The legal signing and ‘vows’ were carried out on the Tuesday before the wedding in the Epping civil registry office with my grandmother and his mother as witnesses.

The wedding was held in Andy’s house with only our immediate family, a few friends and our house church fellowship present. Dad opened the proceedings by giving me to Andy and explained the importance and solemnity of marriage. Andy led us in our vows and the exchange of rings, along with our first kiss. We then had a time for open sharing and prayer in which everyone was free to participate. Each person brought a contribution for the buffet lunch that followed. It was a great time of celebration and joy.

By mid-afternoon we were driving away to our honeymoon destination. Not only were we excited about the prospect of married life together, but we were still coming to terms with the incredible way God had brought our lives together.